but if she breaks a smile, she'll give you away

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 17:45:14 GMT

i need to get the fuck out of here.
i want to go somewhere far away
with bec and just be with her everyday for like
a month and just be happy and laugh.
now that she's gone i feel like no one can
make me happy or laugh like her it sucks so bad.
i miss her so much. i got to talk to her last night
on the phone we talked for like 2 hours and couldn't
even end the conversation because we missed each other
so much and had so much to tell each other. haha, i feel
like we are boyfriend & girlfriend or something. seriously,
i've never been this depressed and it sucks she was my overall
best friend i miss her so much and i love her so much and
i really don't give a shit about what people say about her or
say about us when we are together hanging out because half the
time they don't know what they are talking about and they make
up stupid rumors. i got a job with jen at joe daddy's i start
on friday and i can't wait because i'm going to make a shit load
of money then get a plane ticket to fly out and see bec, and i'm
going to buy a car and when i'm out of highschool im getting an apartment
with becky and we will live together forever! hahaha, ahhhhhhh i fucking hate this shit.

its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you.

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 17:43:47 GMT

so it's 2007 how exciting?
my new years eve was actually pretty good
i spent it with people i care about and i had some fun.
new years morning was awful a bunch of crazy stuff happened
and it was a disaster. i didnt really have anything to do
with it but i felt like it was part my fault anyways. (my friends
house got broken into by some crazy drunk f'ed up kid.)
it's not the best way to start off the new year also
one of my best friends moved and that sucked really bad
i'm still depressed from it because i was with her everyday
i miss her so much i hope she is okay and that this is good for
her i think it will be i love her so much! also, a bad way to start off
new year my phone broke and i lost all my phone numbers i had in there.
i know everytime i put an entry in here it's horrible and i'm just extremely
bitter and i'm honestly sick of feeling this way! i wish i could get better and be happy but that never happens no matter what i'm always fucking miserable and even when i'm with my friends i feel like i put on some act because even though im laughing and having a good time i'm still dealing with so much shit and so much bitterness. i'm so sick of living the way i've been living. i'm sick of lying to my mom about who i'm hanging out with because she can't trust them. i'm sick of getting my best friends and people i love and care about taken out of my life. that's all my life has been since i was seven. it fucking sucks and that's why it's so hard for me to trust people and be completely open with them now. i feel so alone all the time and sure i can call someone and have them come over and hangout with me or something but i'll still feel so empty because i've put such a guard up that no one can get through to me. i'm stubborn,miserable, and lazy. seriously, just fucking kill me someone because nothing can make me better at this point. i'm so sick of this shit.

i'm done.

way too hard.

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 03:33:26 GMT

so, i realized how much crap ive gone threw in my life the past couple years and it really freakin' sucks but i've learned to put that behind me and even though it sucks and i regret a lot of it it's still apart of my life and i've learned from it all and it's helped me grow so much. then again, i still deal with stupid crap! the two worst feelings that i've been having lately are one i miss this one person soooooooo much and i would do anything to have them back in my life because of everything was so right with them and it sucks to not have that person now if i could change what happend i would in a second i was never so happy in my life except when i was with that person i want to tell them so bad but it's so hard and that's one of the worst feelings ever. another is i always just feel like im being put last in peoples lives like my friends and family basically anyone i feel like im not good enough or fun enough and i just feel like they only have time for me is when they have nothing else to do...that feeling sucks too. i just want to be happy again and not be worried and upset over stupid crap all the time like i am now. i honestly don't know what to do with myself and it sucks. gosh, i can't stop thinking about that one person it's horrible. i want to be in love and i want the person i love to be in love with me too. oh and to add to the bad news i got in a car accident today it wasnt my fault but the side of my mom's new car is pretty screwed it'll get fixed which is nice. i dont know more to be pissed about though.

now to the good stuff...i've been hanging out with lena more i love her she is not only my best friend but like one of my sisters i love hanging out with her so much. also, cody, eric and greg i miss them all and i'm really glad ive spent time with them. they make me happy. oh, and more good news copeland show saturday with lena berry i'm so excited!!! that's all for now.

keep it real.

p.s. i hate when people tell their paretns they are hanging out with you and they really arent then their parents call you and you have no idea what the hell is going on because you werent hanging out with that person at all! STOP IT!

ughhh

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 08:06:24 GMT

so, i was reading old comments on my myspace and it was pretty depressing because i had comments from people i dont see,hangout with, or even talk to anymore and i miss them. i hate loosing friendships. i hate loosing friends that i had so much fun with and that made me laugh. i miss having that group of friends that i would hangout with every weekend and do stupid stuff with. i miss talking to that person that was my best friend until 5am and watching movies with him until 7:30am. i miss my boo and calling him my boo and him calling me his babi gurl. i miss so many people that i use to hangout with and that i use to get comments from because i remember them cheering me up so much and making me soo happy all the time. things need to change. if i could have anything for my birthday it would be to see these people and to be best friends with all of them again.

i miss lena,jen,kat,marie,jake,morgan,caleb,jordan,and freaking josiah.
i wish these people were still all around and in my life more because they make me sooo happy i miss and love all of them so much.

my birthday is in 3 days.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 13:47:45 GMT

Friday- i worked and then after work me and mikey hungout for alittle and basically did nothing but talked about random things.

Saturday- me,my mom, and my sissy danielle went shopping in southside and that was fun. Then my mom left and me and danielle went to pramanti bros. and got food. after we did that we went back to the apartment and watched the office and we also watched that new movie the break-up. then we talked for hours and had some laughs and did some crazy things then went to sleep.

Sunday- me and danielle got up and got ready then went and got coffee and then went to church 45 mins late. i got to see keri and erin the loves of my life that i miss so dearly cause i never see them. we talked to them for awhile then me and danielle left after church and went to olive garden then to the mall. then we went back to my house and watched more movies!

so, all in all i had a lot of fun and i've decided that i'm going to be spending a lot more time with erin,keri and amber because i love them so freaking much and they are tons of fun. i'm actually going to southside tonight to spend time with them it should be fun.

*danielle,erin,amber and keri are my loves!

sick of everyone...just me venting again.

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 02:15:47 GMT

i havent typed an entry in a long time.
anyways, it's been a rough school year so far to be honest i hate it.
i'm not good in school, i have no friends, and i hate my job.

i'm done trying to be people's friend if they wnat to be mine and try then thats fine but i seriously dont want to try anymore because when i do i make a fool out of myself. i think im going to find a new job being taht i hate working at pizza roma it sucks. i get yelled at for stuff i dont even do their. oh andi forgot to mention everyone at school loves talking about me and assuming things about me. that's pretty awesome too.

for now i just want to be left alone and i dont want anything to do with anyone. i'm sick of everything and everyone i'd rather just sit at home and do nothing then to have to deal with trying to figure out if people are my friends or not. this isnt message wasnt meant for just one person it's meant for many people who say they are my friends but truely arent.

ahhhh, i freaking hate it. whatever i'm done.

on the road again.

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 20:51:52 GMT

I'm actaully in the car right now on my way home from Flordia with the Berrys.
We are passing through Kentucky right now and its around 4:30pm i'm pretty
sure we are going to be staying at a hotel tonight just because they dont want
to drive the whole way home in one day. I'd love to go all in one day and be home
tonight but it is real uncomfortable to be in a car for around 19 hours straight.
i think we've listened to the coldplay cd about 4 times now, but i'm okay with it.

anyways, vacation was a lot of fun and there are so many stories,
but it would take way too long to tell them in a entry.
Lena is asleep in this little ball...its ridiculous.
I cant sleep at the moment I already slept a total of 4 hours in the car
and my whole body fell asleep(not the best feeling to have waking up)

I miss my mom,sisters,ramona and even mattie.
Plus, of course my friends.
It sucks that we start school in like 4 weeks
this summer was too short,but hey i'm going to be a junior.
That reminds me i have to go take my drviers test soon
I can then drive and not be paranoid.

Well, I think I might try and sleep a little
so if you'd like to hang when I get home let me know.
I'd love to hangout with as many people as possible before
school starts.

Miss you all...I'll be home tomorrow sometime.

Dennys

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 16:36:13 GMT

so, my weekend was actually a lot of fun.
friday-i went to morgan's bonfire at his house
and i chilled there until like midnight then left
came home and i was so beat because its like an hour drive home so i went to bed then got a phone call at 4am from morgan...talked to him until like 530am and then went back to sleep.

saturday- i got woken up at 10:30 by sunshine (lena) and she's like im coming over and we're going to the mall. i got up and sat around and when she got to myhouse she yelled at me for not being ready then i showered and jason came and got us we went to value city and he got shorts then to ross park mall. we came back to my house and jason and lena left at like 9 i went and got lena fromwork then we went and got danny and nick and went back to eat n park hungout there and then jason and cody came we all hungout for awhile then left around 1130 i took danny and nick home we all jammed in the car...it was sweet. then me and lena get to my house and i get a phone call from morgan and he's like yeah im trying to get dylan to come with me to come hang with you guys.

calls me back 10 mins later and says we are on our way (it was like 1am). lena killed a centipede with a garbage can i cried in the corner...then she kicked me in the head...dylan made my dog pee on the floor. morgan and dylan made fun of my cat and called her an ewalk from star wars. then me,morgan,sunshine and dylan went to dennys. wow, it was crazy our waiter was slow with things and explained every little detail of anything we would ask. we watched crazy videos of dylan and people on morgans phone and dylan made fun of my laugh a lot and morgan recorded it! then our waiter spilled a drink all over dylan me and sunshine tried not to laugh but it was so stinkin funny. we had a lot of fun dylan ate everyone's leftovers. then morgan left the waiter a 10 dollar tip becaue he felt bad for him... they tried to make me hug him but i was scared. then they dropped me and lena off at my house and we said our goodbyes...pretty sure dylan still thinks lena's name is sunshine because he kept forgetting her real name. haha.

sunday- i hungout with my sissy and we had lots of fun and i took care of her because she's not doing so good right now.

me and lena are going to camp...it will be fun.

this is extremely long. later.

if your stomach feels weak then my work here is done.

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 02:47:04 GMT

i havent possted in awhile.

these past few weeks have been sweet.
i've been hanging out with people i havent seen or hungout with in a long time so it's nice catching up.
i miss some people though hopefully things will change when summer comes in like 2 weeks because then ill see a lot more of people i miss.

i hope these 2 weeks go by fast and i hope i get phone calls from attractive people soon...i miss that. ha, anyways i'm heading to bed. peace out fools.

p.s. i have new hair

www.myspace.com/jaysandrini

stones taught me to fly.

Wed, 10 May 2006 20:09:00 GMT

Rest In Peace, Joshua Tarkington.
you are missed more and more with everyday that goes by.

lean wit it rock with it.

Fri, 05 May 2006 15:02:51 GMT

So, i got a kitten her name is Ramona,
i'll put a picture as soon as i get one.
She's so stinkin cute.

I still have so much to do for semi it's ridiculous.
OH, and my dress still HAS NOT come i ordered it last thursday!
it's been like a week and i put it on express shipping!
i'm freakin out because if it doesnt come by like thursday
i'll need to find a new dress!
i also, need to serve 2 detentions by thursday or i cant go to semi
and i need to buy tickets and the last day is tuesday! blahhh.
i need to make sure i see Dan to get his id and crap.
there is so much crap to do!
Dan is wearing all white...why? i dont know. haha.
i'm excited to go with Daniel because he's lots of fun.

Tonight, i'm going to the Warhol museum
because my sister and jen are both in the
fashion show there... it should be fun.
Then i think Megz is doing my hair after that
if not then she'll probably do it tomorrow. woo hoo.
My weekend will be fun, i'm excited.

I REALLY HOPE MY DRESS COMES!

COME TO WARHOL TONIGHT TO SEE MY SISTER AND JENNY IN THE FASHION SHOW. THERE ARE 2 SHOWS ONE IS AT 5 OR 5:30 AND THE OTHER STARTS AT 7. I'LL BE AT THE 7 O' CLOCK ONE...COME AND CHILL. BRING YOUR ID IF YOU ARE A STUDENT CAUSE YOU PAY 3 BUCKS. IF YOU DONT HAVE STUDENT ID THEN YOU PAY 5 BUCKS. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!!!!

semi.

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 12:25:38 GMT

so, yesterday was good, school went fast then i hungout
with jen i miss hanging out with her...i miss her. we had fun.
we ended up talking about semi and what not then talking about
memories from last years semi...me and lena started to talk about
last year's semi this morning also. it makes me a little upset just
because it was soo much fun last year and it's not the same this year
i mean im sure we will have fun this year but i miss everything about
everyone in our group last year and everything that we did.
lauren leaving her underware at elephant and castle to james battling some chinese kid with glow sticks. also, going to wal-mart in our dresses and lauren leaving brian's door open in the parking lot.
also, justin and james being gay with eachother. i miss it all.

things will still be a lot of fun this year if i even end up going just because i'll most likely go with dan and he's fun. so, we'll see...
as much as i dont like talking about the past memories i had with people i do because i laugh about them but then after 10 min's of laughing you think about it a little more and ur like wow, i miss that a lot.
it stinks... it's okay though it's probably better this way.

i love my friends these days.

life is good.

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 12:25:28 GMT

so my spring break was pretty good.
i went to georgia, hungout with some fun kids, and all that jazz.
easter was fun i went to church at hot metal (my sisters' church) with my family then after that me, my sisters, and all of the last hope went to my mom's best friends' house with her family and ate, it was fun.

then me,my sisters' and all the guys from last hope (2 of them basically being my brothers) all went to see benchwarmers in southside. it was actually pretty funny. then me and my sisters' went home and had sister time then went to bed.

monday i went to southside again with my sister and we ate at nakama with a bunch of people and this guy that sat with us ended up paying for the whole thing, that was sweet. then me, my sister,erin and amber went to urban outfitters and hungout then we went and looked at my sisters apartment that she just got the other day its really sweet. ive been spending a lot of time with my sisters and the last hope boys and it's a lot of fun i love it.

today is the first day back at school after spring break so far it's not so bad but i mean it's only tuesday and i'm only ending 1st pd. hopefully the rest of the dqay goes good.

Georgia...Georgia.

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 02:18:01 GMT

i'm in georgia right now so far it's been fun it was like a 10 hour drive pretty crazy but we had fun...um, i'll be here until tuesday.
i'm getting eaten by these horse flies which is not fun and i am ridiculously itchy. (i'm itching as i type)
anyways, we are all going to watch walk the line now
so, i'll update later.

the weather here is soo wonderful.

so...got anything planned for may?

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 05:08:56 GMT

my spring break so far...
Friday i went to church to listen to this crazy guy speak
he's actually really cool but i wasnt feeling well so i kept getting up and leaving and going out into the concourse then i went back in and got prayed for because i wasnt feeling well then ran to the bathroom and threw up, it wasnt all that fun.
stephen took me home soon after that and i came home threw up again then went to bed.

Saturday, i woke up feeing sooooooo much better.
Jen came and got me we went to Verona/Oakmount to see Quinc & Josh, we hung out with Josh and then went to the mills mall...while waiting for Quincy to get done eating.We got balloons for Steve because he was sick...then went to Steve's (he loved the balloons) then we left and hungout with Quinc we basically laughed alot,got real fat, and kicked Quinc out of the car multiple times. haha, then we dropped him off at some play at his school and went and saw Daniel Bleith...hungout with him at his house...pretty sweet. Then Jen and I began the journey home at around 9 and got to my house around 9:45ish then she went home.

right now, i'm packing to go to Georgia in 5 hours.
i'll be there from sunday-tuesday night...fun fun!
so, far my spring break has been pretty good besides throwing up.
i'm going to go keep packing...peace out.

P.S. DANIEL BLEITH IS COMING TO SEMI WITH ME...I'M EXCITED!
BECAUSE DANIEL IS LOT'S OF FUNN.

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 01:41:48 GMT

life is good right now.
i'm having fun.
it's already stinkin april!
i cannot wait until summer
road trips,vacation,sun,stars,swimming?(i dont swim much though),sleeping in, BBQ,staying out extremely late.
yeahhh, i can't wait.

my sister is getting married next month
it's freakin crazy, but im excited.

i love a boy.

lalala la la.

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 13:26:33 GMT

last night was fun i went to youth group and it was word
then i went and hungout with some people from there at the
north park clubhouse.
steve took me home and we ended up talking
for like 3 hours but it was really good cause i needed to talk to
someone and so it helped me and it helped him just as much.
i'm glad me and steve are good friends now because he encourages me
so much just with everything i do and i appreciate it.
i hope this week goes by fast cause i cant stand being at school.
i got my extenstions back in they are messed up so i have to get them re-done today or sometime this week.
i'm getting a job real soon...yay, pray that i actually get it.
he said he just wants me to fill an application out so he knows me better.
so i mean i'm in.
i have to go to 2nd pd. soon...ahh,
it's only 2nd pd. haha. oh well, i hope i stay awake.

i miss caleb.

i'm sorry.

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 16:50:17 GMT

i hate when people judge me and when they are mad
at me for mistakes i've made, i cant do anything but
say i'm sorry, and i wish i could do more about it but
i cant.

the person i'm in love with doesnt trust me anymore
and who know's if he loves me anymore,and i dont even
know what i did to him for him not to trust me.
i wish he would talk to me about it somehow and help me
understand what i did and just forgive me.

caleb, i'm sorry.

i've never been so alone, and i've never been so alive.

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 21:56:56 GMT

so, i have a lot in common with this really cute boy,
i think im in love...haha, not.

but i wish he lived in this state..i'd like that
we would hangout and watch fight club & eat good food.

my life...it's good
im hanging with lena & jen right now
i miss hanging out with them soo much
i love them, i love all my friends.

stuck.

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 01:02:43 GMT

last month and this month have probably been 2 of the worst.
i dont remember ever being this depressed in my life.
i hate it more then anything and i have no one to talk to
so i'm talking about it on here.

my sisters' are both getting married
and are never home, it sucks.
my mom flips out on me for
every little thing i do.
my best friend now has a boyfriend
and wonders why we dont hangout probably
because they are always up eachothers' butts.
my grades arent doing so hot.
i cant get myself out of bed
because i hate life that much
that i try to just sleep it away.
i've stopped caring about pretty much everything.
i dont tell people how i feel about
certain things because i dont want them
mad so it just keeps building up.
i haven been to church in awhile and
i really have no desire to go at all.
im lonely all the time.
the person i cared about most
doesnt talk to me anymore.
i dont want friends anymore just because
i feel like nobody truely likes me for the way i am.

im just sick of everything and i dont
really have the power to change it so
i just let it go and end up getting screwed over.
oh, and i've been sick like emotionally & physically
most likely because i'm depressed.
im not asking for your sympathy im just venting.

word, babi gurl.

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 13:24:51 GMT

my weekend was pretty good.
Friday i got to hangout and spend time with Tracy
i liked that a lot because i havent hungout with her in forever.
then saturday i hungout with teresa and i colored my sister's hair.
then josh came and got us and we went to amanda's for a bon fire.
billy & kroh called and they had been walking for 2 hours because billy
got a flat tire so we went and got them, i love ryan kroh and miss him a lot.
then we dropped them off and went back to amanda's and me and teresa got home
at like 6am.

i slept till 12ish then i got up got ready teresa left and josh
came and got me and we went to giant eagle and got like 20 doughnuts, it was ridiculous.
i only ate like 2 and josh was being a fatty. then we went and got teresa cause we were bored
because we were waiting for robby &luke to get done at the chinese buffet. we got teresa then robby called
and said they were on their way home after being at the chinese buffet for 5 hours...im not kidding
5 hours. then we hungout at robbys for a while had some laughs then josh took teresa home and then i decided i wanted to go home because i wasnt feeling good. i went home got ready for bed at like 8 and then fell asleep woke up at 930 ate crackers and then called morgan to tell him happy birthday.
morgan's home now i hope i can hangout with sometime soon, i miss that kid.
well, it's time for me to go to bio...ughhh. im so tired and dont feel well.

i hope i start feeling better.

JENS NOSE BLEEDS ARE OUT OF CONTROL.

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 00:34:37 GMT

my weekend was extremely fun.

i love my friends.

i've been a jerk a little bit lately,

i hope to change that...go to kat's lj

to look at sweet pictures from the weekend.

oh, and i dont feel good.

say whatttt?

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 13:26:42 GMT

i think it's really lame when people push others out of their life because of a mistake that has been made. it just doesnt make sense to me i think we should just keep forgiving because you shouldnt hold a grudge towards people that are sorry for the mistake(s) they have made. people these days never want to get rid of their bitterness...they love being bitter with people i dont understand it. im sorry im not perfect and i make mistakes......im sorry.

gimmie dat!

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 03:07:45 GMT

so my weekend...hmm, yeah it was..interesting.
but yeah, friday night a bunch of us went to
tunnel road...it was sweet i started freakin
out cause this thing was starting to walk closer
to us it was fo real scary...haha. uh then we went
back to addies and had fun and went in the hot tub...
haha, jeff wore these pink panther shorts they were
sweet. then saturday i went to the play at school and
sat with jen..then dan,jeff,and this kid picked us up
and we went to ENP then after that they took us home
me and jen sat at my house for like 2 mins and were like
uhh, we wanna go out again so i called josh he came and got us
and we went to ENP again...we met up with a bunch of josh's friends
they are funny boys i can say that much. then tara and gram came and got us gram dropped us off at my house we chilled and had some laughs and did hair haha. then sunday i got up and i went to jens house we threw away a bunch of her clothes then went shopping to get her new ones. then tara came over TJJ hung out fo real. i love those girls. anyways, my weekend was overall pretty good...i love my friends.
life is getting better.

the mistakes i made could not have been made without you.

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 16:22:28 GMT

so, things have been getting better for me...
i'm happy about that. i miss so many people
it's ridciulous! i hope to see their lovely
wonderful faces soon. i also miss my sisters
i havent seen them in awhile they are always
in southside, i guess cause they live there now
but i dont like it cause i miss them a lot.
anyway, this weekend should be fun.
i have lunch next pd. (6th) with some of the
coolest kids ever, i love them cause they make
me laugh..then me and lena are getting picked up
and we are going shopping then after that im going
home and i have a bunch of stuff to do then later
the FAB is staying at lena's like old times...yay!
i'm extremely happy about that as well. anyways,
if anyone wants to chill think weekend hit me up
or something. alright peace out lovers.

keep eric vey and his family in your prayers.